Am I a Softball Mom?

The Texas Travelers Select Softball Team spends hours of practicing, traveling to tournaments, and the girls participate in many private lessons.  They have a desire to play softball at the highest level.  The coaching staff is preparing the girls to become 4-year starters for their Varsity High School Teams as well as positioning themselves to play at a collegiate level. The environment the elite softball organization has created is on which players can reach their full potential and achieve the self-confidence and positive self-esteem necessary to be successful both on and off the field.  From time to time, parents are asked to share their experience and Kara Adams, mother of Kelsie Adams, utility player for the Texas Travelers has shed some insight on what it is like to be a softball mom.

It first started because my kid had more energy than sense. I signed her up for softball at 4 years old. At first they were just so darn cute. They didn't really know how to throw or catch. They would forget there was a second base and run straight to third from first. And if they hit the ball to the grass they thought they were superman. As they grew so did their skills. We began to see that our daughter was a bit more competitive and driven than the others on her rec team and began to search out select softball. Holy cow did we get our eyes opened. There are so many talented girls out there. Where our kid always stood out before, she was suddenly lost in the group.

So began the lessons and camps. She was determined to not only stand out, but to be the best at what she did. I watched her through hours of practice, always trying to be what she needed at that time. Sometimes she just needs to be motivated. For me to remind her of why she is out in the 110 degree heat practicing her base running. Sometimes she needs a little TLC. For me to wipe away the sand and blood, patch her up and send her back out. Sometimes she needs me to be her and her dad’s (coach) mediator. I have to sit them down and remind them they are on the same team. Sometimes she just needs her mom. To be told she is my superstar, that she is loved and always will be. Through the ups and downs, the strike outs and the home runs, the scorching heat and freezing cold, me and my fellow softball moms proudly sit by the fence and watch our girls play.

Am I a softball mom?  Yes, because my girl is a softball player. She shows me every day the true meaning of hard work and determination. She sets goals and works endlessly to achieve them. She has learned what being a member of a team means and by that the meaning of lasting friends. These are priceless life lessons. Not only does she still have more energy than I, she is a softball stud and earned it all. It makes all the money spent, vacations missed, sunburns, dirty laundry, and near strokes worth it. Yes, I am a softball mom and wouldn't have it any other way.

For more information on Kelsie Adams, the Texas Travelers, or any other players; you can follow the team on Facebook or visit the Texas Travelers News Network Site.

Life isn’t fair so why do you expect Softball to be?

Recently I had a discussion on one of my trips from Houston back to Dallas, Texas.  Now this discussion was with a colleague of mine who has also coached select softball at a high level.  He proposed a question and asked, “What are your feelings on ‘Daddy Ball’?”  I stated emphatically that “Daddy Ball” ruins the game, and can hurt players.  In a past blog, I wrote how my daughter’s introduction into select softball was a terrible experience as we were exposed to “Daddy Ball”.  My colleague, known for being opinionated, made the statement “How did that hurt your daughter?”  He stated that the experience she went through actually helped her.  Five hours later, he convinced me that “Daddy Ball” wasn't a bad thing.  Yes, you heard that right.  “Daddy Ball” is actually great for girls’ softball.

OK, now that I have you steaming mad right now or completely dismissive of this blog, let me try to explain the points my colleague was making that convinced me.

First, let’s look at life itself.  Have you ever been passed over a promotion in a job or felt unappreciated with the work you do by your boss?  We all have at one time or another.  Have you ever been pulled over and given a speeding ticket while the car who was going the same speed got a free pass?  Or think about when you were in high school, and the person in front of the fast food line got a discounted meal because he knew the person behind the counter and you received minimal portions at full price!  We all have stated, some people have all the luck…right?  Life just isn’t fair.

Is life really not fair?  Maybe that promotion in the job would have given you more money, but what kind of stress would have been added to you.  Maybe that ticket saved your life as you remember to slow down the next time you went through the speed trap.  Maybe the extra food you wanted kept you from having a heart attack by the time you turn 40.  It all comes down to perspective.

Second, who is responsible for the growth of youth sports?  We are going to focus on softball, but this blog pertains to all of youth sports.  Let’s look at the teams itself.  Who coaches the teams 9 out of 10 times?  Usually the dad (moms are starting to coach more often) of one of the players.  

So let’s take a deeper look at the commitment a dad makes to the team.  The dad is usually someone who played sports in high school and maybe in college.  His skillset is that of someone who loves sports and likes coaching kids.  If we are lucky, he knows the game he is coaching.  He has a fulltime job that pays his family’s mortgage and puts food on the table.  (He spends about 40-60 hours a week in that job).  He spends 2-4 hours a week at practice with your kids.  He spends another hour or more if committed analyzing competition during the week.  He spends another hour a week studying the game so he can motivate and coach the girls on the field.  For tournament teams, the dad will spend another 6-8 hours at the field for Pool Play Games, and then average 4-6 hours for Sunday Bracket Games.  At a minimum the Dad, I mean the coach, will give an extra 14-22 hours a week to the team.  For most coaches, there is no payment, no discounted cost for their daughter to play, and when losses happen; all too often he hears how he could have had a better game plan.  (As an assistant coach for a top select softball team I absolutely love all of the girls on the team that my daughter plays for.  However, there is one girl on the team that I love the most and the longest.  Yes, it is my daughter.)  Coaches in essence are working a part-time job with no pay.  There only form of payment is they are getting to spend 20 hours a week of quality time with their daughter and the sport they love to play.  Without these coaches, where would your daughter be today?

If you were the reader who said, “Yes but…” Let me interrupt your train of thought really quick.  Anybody can put together a team and coach.  So, if you want to coach and make all of the decisions, by all means do it.  Make sure you commit to listening to unhappy parents, understand feelings of young girls, put together a game plan, schedule practices, be at practices and games early, and understand that your 20 hours of extra time with your daughter will be interrupted with additional attention to 10 other girls.

So we as parents have put a negative connotation on the term “Daddy Ball”.  

I completely understand why.  I described my daughter’s first experience with a select softball team to my colleague this way as well.  She wanted to pitch.  The head coach told the team that anyone wanting to pitch for the Fall Season had to take pitching lessons.  She did.  She was never given an opportunity to take the mound during the whole Fall Season.  By the way, that team lost every game without even coming close to a victory.  However, the four players that received some mound time during the 20 game season were coaches’ daughters.  I felt that was an injustice to my daughter not getting to have the opportunity to pitch for that team.

His simple answer was, “It doesn’t look like it hurt her.” (My daughter is now the starting pitcher for a great select softball team that looks to her to deliver excellent results.)  During this five hour drive, I said, “OK, but I took the time to work with her.  I kept taking her to pitching lessons.  I motivated her when she was down and helped teach her the nuances of the game.”  He replied, “So that experience helped her develop into what she is becoming today?”

I’m pretty thick headed!  Just ask my wife if you don’t believe me.  I hate losing an argument, so I turned my focus on other girls.  I then said, “Well, let’s take my daughter out of it.  There were three other girls on the team that didn’t get a lot of playing time.  They usually found themselves on the bench and playing the outfield when the game became out of reach.” I argued, “Out of the four coaches, their daughters played catcher, shortstop, third base and pitcher.  They never moved off of the infield.  As a matter of fact, the best friend of one of the coaches’ daughters played second base.”  So he then asked me “what are they doing now” referring to the coaches’ daughters.  I told him that all of them except one are out of softball.  The one that is still playing is playing rec ball and nobody really hears about her anymore.  I started to understand what he was saying, but he wasn’t satisfied with his point.  He asked, “And what about the three girls that were sitting the bench or not getting significant playing time?”  The point was made.  I said, “They are all playing for select teams and doing quite well in softball.”

So I had a new perspective on “Daddy Ball.”  It isn’t all that bad of a term.  We have made a bad word out of “Daddy Ball”.  I’m not saying it is right to play favorites.  I’m not saying it is right to hurt a girl’s confidence.  However, we should embrace the fact that a Dad (or mom) has agreed to take the time to coach our kids.  The coach has to make 11 different individual decisions (each girl) for the good of the team.  Also, when an injustice occurs or we think has occurred due to playing time; we should look at it as an opportunity to correlate the situation with what life will throw at us later.  I have always told my players as well as kids, “Failures and Success doesn’t define you; it is how you react to the failures and successes that makes you the person you hope to become.”  We can use every situation as an opportunity to teach our kids.  We can use it as motivation to help with future opportunities.  If we are patient and look at the whole picture of life, we might be better off.

Life is not always fair.  Neither is softball.  However, how you react to these situations will determine your future and with that; you will be happy more times than not.

For more information about the Texas Travelers Girls Select Softball Team contact Coach Kyle Bennett at 972.679.7702 or visit their Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/pages/04-Texas-Travelers/774587365960430.

Value of playing Multiple Sports

Do you remember when you were a kid playing sports?  For some of us, it seems like only yesterday (and others have a very fog memory).  In Texas, there were basically four seasons.  The first season was football, next came basketball, and then came track followed by softball or baseball.

We played for the local city recreational team.  At the end of the season the coaches would get together and pick the top players from each team to create an All-Star squad.  The All-Star Team would play the champion of the league.  The winner of that game would then go and play other teams from nearby towns.  However, none of the games interfered with the “next season”.

Recently my sister asked my daughter why she was leaving basketball practice early.  My daughter responded, “I’m off to softball practice.”  My sister looked at me and said, “Really, you have her going to two practices in one night?”  Of course, she knew the answer and what is funny about it is that in about two weeks my daughter will be also add volleyball to the mix.

Softball is my daughter’s primary sport, however, she enjoys playing all of the sports she possibly can.  Even though it is a grind on carting her to and from each practice and juggling conflicting games; I feel playing multiple sports continues to benefit my daughter in her development as a healthy athlete.

Nowadays, it is pretty common for players to play multiple sports, and with the emergence of the “Select World” or “Travel Ball” they play multiple sports year around.  However, there are some who think that keeping their child in one sport over all others will give them a distinct advantage.

This blog is not going to dive into the “Select Sports” segment playing year around, but will talk about the advantages of playing more than one sport.

Some famous multisport athletes are people like Troy Aikman (Hall of Fame 3-time Super Bowl Winner for the Cowboys was also drafted by the New York Mets in baseball), Terry Bradshaw (Hall of Fame quarterback for the Pittsburg Steelers who set the national record by throwing the javelin 244 feet 11 ¾ inches), Jim Brown ( an All-American in lacrosse, played basketball, and ran track at Syracuse University and is currently in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Lacrosse Hall of Fame, and College Football Hall of Fame), local great Marquise Goodman (NFL receiver and kickoff returner was an Olympic long jumper and 2-time NCAA champion in the sport), Ed “Too Tall” Jones (who briefly retired from football to become a boxer, with a 6-0 record as a heavyweight, before returning to the Dallas Cowboys), Herschel Walker (participated in the 1992 Winter Olympics as a bobsled pusher, ran track at the University of Georgia and is currently a mixed martial arts competitor as well as a famous running back for the Dallas Cowboys and Minnesota Vikings), and Russell Wilson (who is currently a Super Bowl winner with the Seattle Seahawks, and in the Texas Rangers Baseball organization).  I don’t even need to mention Deion Sanders, Bo Jackson or Jim Thorpe as most readers know their story.

Babe Didrikson is considered the greatest female athlete of all-time.  She was a great golfer winning 41 LPGA events and 11 majors, an All-American basketball player, and she won two track and field gold medals in the 1932 Olympics.  If she had not died of cancer at 42, she probably would have competed professional in a lot more sports.

Marion Jones was well-known for her multiple medals in Olympic competition, but in college she led the North Carolina Tar Heels basketball team to a 92-10 record during her three years on the team, including a National Championship in 1994.  She is an All-American point guard, ranks 5th on the UNC’s all-time assists list, third in steals, and 7th in blocks despite playing only 3 years.

More recently Liz Brenner of the Oregon Ducks became the first female Oregon athlete to letter in 3 sports since 1976 playing volleyball, basketball and softball.

Many college coaches are looking at multisport athletes because it brings a different type of athleticism to their respective sport they are coaching.

Coach Matt Kerwick of Cornell states, “We certainly see more well-rounded athletes who have an ability to accept different coaching styles.  They understand the dynamics of being on a team.  That’s not to say that we don’t like seeing athletes who are also involved in individual sports, where they have to have the discipline to push themselves to be their best.”

His sons even play multiple sports where he adds, “One of the things I love about having my kids involved in multiple sports and activities is the friendships they are making. Certainly, being physically fit and developing as athletes are also important benefits, but they are also learning lessons about being good teammates and working together as a group. And of course, it's important that they are having fun."

Janine Tucker, women’s lacrosse coach at Johns Hopkins states, “We prefer to recruit players who are multi-sport athletes for a variety of reasons, first among them the diversity of skill sets that they develop. It also allows opportunities to be leaders, to stay in good shape, to stretch themselves as athletes, communicators, teammates and leaders. Another benefit, maybe in one sport the kid shines and is a leader. In another sport, they may not be the superstar. So they learn to be humble, to be a good teammate and to support the go-to players. That's a tremendous benefit."  She also adds valuable advice to parents, "Of the recruits we see, one of the first questions I ask is, 'Do you play basketball?' If they do, they understand angles, footwork and how to get low on defense. Those are critical skill sets for basketball players that are engrained in their heads. We also love soccer players, because they can run all day. Those skill sets translate into our game. There's pressure for kids to specialize in lacrosse. I see it backfiring. Often it's the parents who want to their kids to specialize. That's dicey. A lot of these lacrosse recruits are on teams that go 20-0. If you play soccer and are on a .500 team, you learn to manage tough losses and pick yourself back up. That's an invaluable experience as you grow."

Scott Marr, coach at Albany probably sums it up the best, “What we like is the diversity that these kids experience — different rules, different skill sets, different coaching styles. They're not doing the same thing all the time, but learning and understanding different strategies and muscle memory. It strengthens the mind to learn different skills. And they may experience different roles on different teams, like being the best player on one team but a supporting player on another team. That can be valuable and gives them great perspective."  He adds, “Don't succumb to the pressure that your kid 'has to do this' to get to the next level. The myth is that if you miss this tournament or that camp that you won't make it. That's not true. I don't feel like you get the best out of kids when they are playing a sport nine months out of the year. Nothing feels really special anymore, because they are playing all the time and feel like they have to be at every tournament."

There are hundreds of articles that prove these points and one of the best described by David Epstein in a blog The Benefits of Playing Multiple Sports: A Conversation with David Epstein.

The Texas Travelers is one of the top girls’ select softball teams in North Texas and currently making a push to become the 10u ASA National Champions (held in Normal, Illinois).  On their roster, they have Volleyball, Basketball, Gymnasts, Soccer, Dancers, and Track stars.  This team is made up of competitive players who thrive in school, have strong confidence, and a great self-esteem.  All of these sports will contribute to well-rounded softball players, but more importantly, a skillset too, as these young girls face challenges of adolescence and eventually adulthood.

For more information about The Texas Travelers contact, Coach Kyle Bennett at 972.679.7702 or visit 04 Texas Travelers News Network.